We moved off the farm this week.
It's been the plan for a while. It was not a surprise. Somehow, it still managed to catch me off guard as I packed up our tiny house this week in prep to move to Chelan. When it really hit me, though, was the moment I left the driveway of the property. I'd put on a specific song, Glorious Unfolding by Stephen Curtis Chapman. As the words sang out over my cars speakers, it was as if a chasm opened up inside my chest. And this is going to be a glorious unfolding Just you wait and see and you will be amazed You've just got to believe the story is so far from over So hold on to every promise god has made to us And watch this glorious unfolding I lost it. I sobbed. Gutturally. It just poured out of me. All the emotion and feeling and sensations I'd been holding onto for... who knows how long... just came flooding out. It was cathartic. Then, from that empty space, came clarity. It was as if my blinders had been removed and I was seeing my life clearly again. I've had moments like this before. Cutting out gluten and sugar was one of them. Once both products started leaving my body, I felt like I woke up in a whole new way. I shared about yoga teacher training last week. Same thing. There are moments and times in my life that radically shift and alter the course of how I am living and who I am being. In both cases, I didn't really expect that much to change. I thought I'd feel a little better, a little clearer, a little more present. In both cases, I was floored at just how much I'd been living in a fog and not realizing it. Moving off the farm now falls into this category. I could tell you all the reasons why we moved, could tell you that we are still farming out there, just not living there anymore, could tell you all the backstory and how we got to where we are... and I'll save those for another time. (possibly a book!). What I will say is this. It became clear for both Tim and I that it was time to go. Logically, it didn't make a lot of sense. In our hearts though we knew.
Most decisions that come from our guts and our hearts don't always make sense for our brains.
If I've learned anything in learning to trust my gut these past years, it's that the big decisions, the ones that feel impossible and don't always make sense and make you wonder about how it will all work out, are the ones worth going for. The decisions that stretch you to really trust yourself, those are the ones that matter. I knew for YEARS that something was up with my diet. I KNEW deep down it was sugar. It took me 5 years to do something about it. Knowing how different I felt, I didn't want to wait that long again. My tears were sad. It's the end of an era. We're leaving a property and a space we put so much of our blood sweat and tears into. It's the end of a dream. My tears were also happy. We have real working amenities. We have a view of the lake. I can walk to teach at the gym. It's also the evolution of our dream of the farm. When we spoke the words back in late December that it was time to move to Chelan, it was if the Universe/God/Whatever you want to call him/here was waiting... and all of a sudden the opportunities came flooding our way. Places to farm, working with local schools, job opportunities, chances to evolve what we are growing and producing... the pathway started to clear up.
All the old trees and debris that had been in the way, our beliefs, our thought patterns, our habits we were stuck in, our feelings of unworthiness, were all cluttering up the path.
As we started to work through these, as we started know and own our worthiness, the pathway became clear. The road was not easy. It felt, and still feels, painful at times. Like an untying, an untangling, of relationships and land and so many things. Driving into Chelan though, waking up to the view of the mountains and the water, flushing a real toilet, going to meet a friend and it only taking me 5 minutes to get to her, walking to the gym to teach... made it all worth it. Not only for what we get to experience, but for the clarity we know feel and experience. Maybe you too, have felt like you've been living in a fog, like life is a cluttered and chaotic. Your path is full of debris. Maybe, you too, have had a gut hit about something and deemed it impossible, too hard, too much to figure out. That gut hit is your chance, your opportunity, to shift from doing things how you always have and feeling stuck to feeling free and clear.
What debris and clutter do you need to clear off of your path?
Is there a relationship you need to end? Is there a way you've been being in the world that you need to ditch? Are you letting yourself live in distraction mode? Are you living out of fear? Identify one thing you could shift in your life that could clear a bit of the pathway. Start there. Then, really listen to what your gut is telling you. For me, the work of trusting my gut begins on my yoga mat. It's the chance to be with my body in a real, physical way, and to honor it by moving in a way that makes sense in that moment. Some days, like today, that means all the modifications and lots of breath. Other days, that's handstands.
Whether it's a monumental decision I have to make, or a small one, I know either way, when I get on my mat, I'm strengthening my ability to listen to the deepest part of myself.
The same is true for you. If you're looking for clarity, if you're hoping to clear some clutter of your path, step on your yoga mat. And if you feel extra stuck, or need of a total overhaul of your pathway and your life, step into Teacher Training with us! If your gut is saying yes, trust it. Take it from someone who's waited a long time to listen to her gut. It's 100% worth it. Apply here.